Monday, February 16, 2015
“Travel isn’t always pretty. It isn’t always comfortable. Sometimes it hurts, it even breaks your heart. But that’s okay. The journey changes you- it should change you. It leaves marks on your memory, on your consciousness, on your heart, and on your body. You take something with you… Hopefully, you leave something good behind.” -Anthony Bourdain
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
A year in retrospect
Now that I've been home for three weeks, I guess it'd be a good time to reflect on the school year that has passed. Because writing about things in a timely manner is overrated.
The first three months of this school year were phenomenal. I had so much fun and never took a moment to be anything less than deliriously happy. I don't know exactly what the turning point was, but there definitely was one, and after that undistinguishable moment, I stopped having fun. I was filled with ennui and, for a while, I kind of stopped leaving my room. The last few weeks I sort of rediscovered my ability to enjoy myself and I did just that--and had an amazing time of it. I thought I'd make up a little recap of the year, and provide myself with some highlights upon which to look back when I'm old and shriveled and unable to remember my raucous college years without some help.
1. Going to Pho 11 during the first week of school. I was with some of my favorite people, as well as some who weren't yet friends, but would become dearer to me than I had ever imagined last summer. We made up a drinking game based on all our individual quirks, and it was so interesting to see how the little things you do look to other people. That night, I laughed so hard I peed myself a little bit.
2. Dumping my drink all over George when I saw him for the first time. Though completely sober, I simply forgot that I had a cup full of jungle juice in my hand when I went to hug him. We were both rather damp for the remainder of the evening.
3. Going from total strangers to close friends with Kevin, all in the course of a single football game.
4. Getting caught in a torrential downpour while walking down Beaver Avenue with Jess. We entertained a packed Saints Cafe when we were scared poopless by a particularly booming thunderclap, and, when it started hailing, scrambled to catch the Blue Loop, both of us soaked with mascara dripping down our faces.
5. Canning in John's town, Johnstown. (See what I did there?) We drank Yuenglings and watched Thankskilling. I cuddled on the floor with Brian Trager all night, and watched him grind up on an elderly woman's car the next morning.
6. The FT5K.
7. Hurricane Sandy. Classes were cancelled for the first time in seven years, so we did what any Penn Staters would: we drank. We watched three movies and went to College Pizza, where Alex Troup fell asleep.
8. The Thespian hayride. My car battery died, I got lost, I sang along to Mumford with some of my favorite people. I ate more than I should have, had my butt grabbed by a freshman, sang camp songs, and saw seven shooting stars. It was a whirlwind.
9. Being Toddlers in Tiaras with four lovely ladies and Ben Sereda. We won Best Costume, the prize for which was special shots. I remember nothing past that point.
10. The Ohio State game. We lost, but I've never heard more noise coming out of human beings.
11. Cooking dinner with Jon, Jess, and Brian. We drank coffee, baked cookies, and talked about everything from linguistics to adoption to farts.
12. Eloise. I discovered that I can direct, and pretty damn well too, if I say so myself. I created something I could truly be proud of and that was a good feeling.
13. Communion. It wasn't as amazing as it was built up to be, but there's something about tradition that really just gets to me.
14. Seeing Perks, then immediately going to the Diner for Grilled Stickies. It was the first time I really talked to Hailey, and that one afternoon ended up creating one of my closest friendships. They mentioned Grilled Stickies in the movie, so we couldn't resist getting some ourselves. We had the annoying waiter and laughed our asses off. And ate grilled stickies.
15. Making French onion soup at the B4. We pretended we were going to make Jess watch porn, much to her distress and our immense delight.
16. Going to New York with Jess and Susan. Our room was beautiful, we saw Newsies, went backstage at Newsies, and did two museums. It was a good weekend.
17. Going to D.C. with concert choir. I think it was that weekend that made me realize that people in concert choir actually like me. We put on an amazing concert and I got close with some people I hadn't known very well before. I got cheesecake and lost my phone.
18. My phone-less month. It was liberating.
19. THON. I skipped my last two R&R shifts and it was the best decision I could have made. I got to cry and go crazy with my beautiful org and our two perfect 4D families. I got to direct Eloise one last time and play with some lovely children.
20. The Moustache Party. I knew it was going to be a good night based on the positive response to our extremely punny facebook event. I looked super hot, took thousands of pictures, and learned to swing dance (sort of).
21. Bernstein's Mass. It went from the most tedious, thankless music I'd ever sung to the most rewarding musical/theatre experience of my life. I also got to spend a day bonding with my dad which was much-needed at the time.
22. Meeting my family for lunch in the middle of nowhere. I was feeling down and I wanted to do something about it. I drove two hours for a free lunch and lots of hugs.
23. The Spring class's Communion. Again, it's that tradition. And seeing it happen from the other side really just left me feeling full.
24. Reefer Madness. I complained about it a lot, but I forged new friendships and strengthened some old ones. And the cast party was awesome. I think.
25. The final weekend. I went to Movin' On where I got tipsy, caught up with Nigel, and saw MGMT perform my favorite of their songs, Time To Pretend. Then I went to formal where I took pictures, drank champagne, and talked to Tali about boys. The next day was the picnic, which was lovely, despite the fact that I got pulled over on the way. And then there was Case Race, where I cried while chugging beer, proposed to a stranger, went in a fountain in a thong, climbed a tree, and ate a fat bitch (sandwich) for the first time. I made out with a certain boy, then lost my phone.
The first three months of this school year were phenomenal. I had so much fun and never took a moment to be anything less than deliriously happy. I don't know exactly what the turning point was, but there definitely was one, and after that undistinguishable moment, I stopped having fun. I was filled with ennui and, for a while, I kind of stopped leaving my room. The last few weeks I sort of rediscovered my ability to enjoy myself and I did just that--and had an amazing time of it. I thought I'd make up a little recap of the year, and provide myself with some highlights upon which to look back when I'm old and shriveled and unable to remember my raucous college years without some help.
1. Going to Pho 11 during the first week of school. I was with some of my favorite people, as well as some who weren't yet friends, but would become dearer to me than I had ever imagined last summer. We made up a drinking game based on all our individual quirks, and it was so interesting to see how the little things you do look to other people. That night, I laughed so hard I peed myself a little bit.
2. Dumping my drink all over George when I saw him for the first time. Though completely sober, I simply forgot that I had a cup full of jungle juice in my hand when I went to hug him. We were both rather damp for the remainder of the evening.
3. Going from total strangers to close friends with Kevin, all in the course of a single football game.
4. Getting caught in a torrential downpour while walking down Beaver Avenue with Jess. We entertained a packed Saints Cafe when we were scared poopless by a particularly booming thunderclap, and, when it started hailing, scrambled to catch the Blue Loop, both of us soaked with mascara dripping down our faces.
5. Canning in John's town, Johnstown. (See what I did there?) We drank Yuenglings and watched Thankskilling. I cuddled on the floor with Brian Trager all night, and watched him grind up on an elderly woman's car the next morning.
6. The FT5K.
7. Hurricane Sandy. Classes were cancelled for the first time in seven years, so we did what any Penn Staters would: we drank. We watched three movies and went to College Pizza, where Alex Troup fell asleep.
8. The Thespian hayride. My car battery died, I got lost, I sang along to Mumford with some of my favorite people. I ate more than I should have, had my butt grabbed by a freshman, sang camp songs, and saw seven shooting stars. It was a whirlwind.
9. Being Toddlers in Tiaras with four lovely ladies and Ben Sereda. We won Best Costume, the prize for which was special shots. I remember nothing past that point.
10. The Ohio State game. We lost, but I've never heard more noise coming out of human beings.
11. Cooking dinner with Jon, Jess, and Brian. We drank coffee, baked cookies, and talked about everything from linguistics to adoption to farts.
12. Eloise. I discovered that I can direct, and pretty damn well too, if I say so myself. I created something I could truly be proud of and that was a good feeling.
13. Communion. It wasn't as amazing as it was built up to be, but there's something about tradition that really just gets to me.
14. Seeing Perks, then immediately going to the Diner for Grilled Stickies. It was the first time I really talked to Hailey, and that one afternoon ended up creating one of my closest friendships. They mentioned Grilled Stickies in the movie, so we couldn't resist getting some ourselves. We had the annoying waiter and laughed our asses off. And ate grilled stickies.
15. Making French onion soup at the B4. We pretended we were going to make Jess watch porn, much to her distress and our immense delight.
16. Going to New York with Jess and Susan. Our room was beautiful, we saw Newsies, went backstage at Newsies, and did two museums. It was a good weekend.
17. Going to D.C. with concert choir. I think it was that weekend that made me realize that people in concert choir actually like me. We put on an amazing concert and I got close with some people I hadn't known very well before. I got cheesecake and lost my phone.
18. My phone-less month. It was liberating.
19. THON. I skipped my last two R&R shifts and it was the best decision I could have made. I got to cry and go crazy with my beautiful org and our two perfect 4D families. I got to direct Eloise one last time and play with some lovely children.
20. The Moustache Party. I knew it was going to be a good night based on the positive response to our extremely punny facebook event. I looked super hot, took thousands of pictures, and learned to swing dance (sort of).
21. Bernstein's Mass. It went from the most tedious, thankless music I'd ever sung to the most rewarding musical/theatre experience of my life. I also got to spend a day bonding with my dad which was much-needed at the time.
22. Meeting my family for lunch in the middle of nowhere. I was feeling down and I wanted to do something about it. I drove two hours for a free lunch and lots of hugs.
23. The Spring class's Communion. Again, it's that tradition. And seeing it happen from the other side really just left me feeling full.
24. Reefer Madness. I complained about it a lot, but I forged new friendships and strengthened some old ones. And the cast party was awesome. I think.
25. The final weekend. I went to Movin' On where I got tipsy, caught up with Nigel, and saw MGMT perform my favorite of their songs, Time To Pretend. Then I went to formal where I took pictures, drank champagne, and talked to Tali about boys. The next day was the picnic, which was lovely, despite the fact that I got pulled over on the way. And then there was Case Race, where I cried while chugging beer, proposed to a stranger, went in a fountain in a thong, climbed a tree, and ate a fat bitch (sandwich) for the first time. I made out with a certain boy, then lost my phone.
Monday, April 15, 2013
So I really should be sleeping, because it's 3AM and I have class in five hours, but I had some thoughts that I just wanted to put down on some figurative paper.
Today was Communion for the spring pledge class. I didn't enjoy my Communion all that much, mostly because of the attitudes of my fellow pledges and the terrible weather. Still, for some reason, I wanted to be a part of theirs. Maybe I just wanted to have the opportunity to experience it in a different way, one that might be more positive.
I wasn't disappointed. I'm a sucker for pageantry and tradition, so while the "run-around-campus-doing-stupid-things" part was pretty whatever, lying on the floor of the Schwab balcony "om-ing" and whispering people's names was so much more fun that I ever thought that could be. Even if I did fall asleep. I lay there, shivering on the floor, wondering how many people had been there before me, and felt a profound connection with the past, the way I do when I look at our family tree or read my great-grandmother's journal.
When it was over, the personal stuff began, and a few people shed tears over their love for Thespians. I scoffed at them a little at first; I've been feeling a little disenchanted lately with the organization as a whole, but as I looked around the room, it occurred to me that nobody in that room is a bad person, and there is probably no one in that club who wouldn't be there if Ineeded let them. I've really lost sight of that in the past few months, and that's kind of sad. There may be drama, and some of them may be annoying as all get-out, but they're the friends I have, and they're pretty damn decent ones at that. There are few things over which I'd rather deprive myself of sleep.
Today was Communion for the spring pledge class. I didn't enjoy my Communion all that much, mostly because of the attitudes of my fellow pledges and the terrible weather. Still, for some reason, I wanted to be a part of theirs. Maybe I just wanted to have the opportunity to experience it in a different way, one that might be more positive.
I wasn't disappointed. I'm a sucker for pageantry and tradition, so while the "run-around-campus-doing-stupid-things" part was pretty whatever, lying on the floor of the Schwab balcony "om-ing" and whispering people's names was so much more fun that I ever thought that could be. Even if I did fall asleep. I lay there, shivering on the floor, wondering how many people had been there before me, and felt a profound connection with the past, the way I do when I look at our family tree or read my great-grandmother's journal.
When it was over, the personal stuff began, and a few people shed tears over their love for Thespians. I scoffed at them a little at first; I've been feeling a little disenchanted lately with the organization as a whole, but as I looked around the room, it occurred to me that nobody in that room is a bad person, and there is probably no one in that club who wouldn't be there if I
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
BEDA: Day LOL
In true form, I have thus far truly failed at this. My self-betterment projects never work out for me. I did, however, post a new video today.
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
BEDA: Day Three
Today my French teacher pulled me aside to ask me what was going on.
"What?" I asked, bewildered.
"You acted very disturbed in class today."
I was surprised by this, because I didn't think I acted any differently in class today than I usually do. Maybe I was a little quieter, but my friend who sits behind me wasn't there. The weird thing is that I wasn't even in poor spirits this morning. I sputtered something about being stressed and went on my way. But for some reason this little incident really upset me. I mean, there have been days when I've spent that class literally fighting back tears. But today of all days, I looked upset enough for her to show concern? Did I look disturbed?
The thing about this professor is that she loves to call me out about being shy. "Tu es trop timide," she loves to say, with a little giggle to ease the tension, to which I respond with an equally disingenuous titter. I don't speak in class often, this is true. I don't speak often in any class, and I don't think I'm the quietest person among that particular group of people.
I don't really know where I'm going with this, I'm just kind of ranting.
I don't really know where I'm going with anything.
Today's beauty: I watched three episodes of Veronica Mars.
Books read this year: 5
Currently reading: Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides and The Madness Underneath by Maureen Johnson (Yes, I started a second book. What of it?)
"What?" I asked, bewildered.
"You acted very disturbed in class today."
I was surprised by this, because I didn't think I acted any differently in class today than I usually do. Maybe I was a little quieter, but my friend who sits behind me wasn't there. The weird thing is that I wasn't even in poor spirits this morning. I sputtered something about being stressed and went on my way. But for some reason this little incident really upset me. I mean, there have been days when I've spent that class literally fighting back tears. But today of all days, I looked upset enough for her to show concern? Did I look disturbed?
The thing about this professor is that she loves to call me out about being shy. "Tu es trop timide," she loves to say, with a little giggle to ease the tension, to which I respond with an equally disingenuous titter. I don't speak in class often, this is true. I don't speak often in any class, and I don't think I'm the quietest person among that particular group of people.
I don't really know where I'm going with this, I'm just kind of ranting.
I don't really know where I'm going with anything.
Today's beauty: I watched three episodes of Veronica Mars.
Books read this year: 5
Currently reading: Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides and The Madness Underneath by Maureen Johnson (Yes, I started a second book. What of it?)
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
BEDA: Day Two
Today contained an awful lot of feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt for one that started off so nicely. I woke up excited at the prospect of a free meal with a lovely person. Then, from around 2PM forward, I spent quite a large percentage of the time holding back tears. Just one of those days.
Anyway, I'm starting that thing bloggers do where they have a little thing on the bottom offering sort of glimpses into their lives. "Chipotle burritos eaten this year," "current nail polish color," you know the like. I see them as kind of metaphorical mile-markers of life. I don't know if these are the ones I will stick with, but here goes:
Today's beauty: I didn't have to go to Mass rehearsal.
Books read this year: 5
Currently reading: Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides (I started this in July, but I am actually going to finish it this time!)
Anyway, I'm starting that thing bloggers do where they have a little thing on the bottom offering sort of glimpses into their lives. "Chipotle burritos eaten this year," "current nail polish color," you know the like. I see them as kind of metaphorical mile-markers of life. I don't know if these are the ones I will stick with, but here goes:
Today's beauty: I didn't have to go to Mass rehearsal.
Books read this year: 5
Currently reading: Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides (I started this in July, but I am actually going to finish it this time!)
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